I am so excited to share with you Hannah's inspiring rosary story.
Five years ago, I suffered a traumatic miscarriage. My husband and I had been hoping and praying for a baby for two years, and when I found out I was pregnant we were ecstatic. Three days later I was bleeding and two weeks after that, I miscarried. Devastated doesn't even begin to cover it. I was in complete darkness and began to exercise excessively as a way to cope (I told myself), but in reality, it was self-abusive and I was doing it to punish my body for not keeping my baby alive. I would eat as little as possible and run until my body hurt so badly I couldn't feel the emotional pain of losing our child.
Despite the physical harm I was causing to my body, Our Lady looked after me and pursued me. I generally felt absolutely nothing in prayer and my Sundays at Mass brought no consolation. It was darkness and hopelessness like I've never felt before. But I prayed the Rosary while I ran. I would run and run and run, and the decades would go by as I wept and ran, and ran and wept. I always prayed the Joyful Mysteries because I was very hung up on the fact that Mary experienced a miraculous conception. In my mind, if God did that once, He'd be able to do it again, and maybe if I kept praying the rosary He would answer my prayers for a baby, and maybe He'd let me keep my next baby.
After months of near-total spiritual darkness, I hit a wall. I physically couldn’t go any more, and I knew I needed to turn to God. But the reality was, I’d never been far from Him. His Mother was constantly beckoning to me and I was unknowingly answering her call through the Rosary. I was kept close to Our Lord through the Rosary and even though at the time I felt totally abandoned, on the day our baby should’ve been born I knew with certainty that God had never been far from me. He’d always been there, waiting for me to look past my pain and see Him there waiting to comfort me.
Our Lady has consistently brought me great comfort in our infertility journey. I know the Rosary plays a huge part in that. Even on days when I don’t feel like praying it, the Blessed Mother has a way of reminding me the good that prayer does, not only for my own soul, but for the souls of so many others. Praying the Rosary has been my lifeline. I have offered so many Rosaries for others going through infertility, and even though God has not yet answered my prayers for biological children, He has answered the prayers I’ve prayed for others. I know our Heavenly Mother is bringing all my prayers, and the prayers of all her children, to the throne of her Son, and without a doubt I know she is wrapping us all in her mantle.